Bowser: Power, Possession, and Princess Peach

• Bowser: Displays obsessive fixation on Princess Peach, interpreting repeated kidnappings as romantic pursuit. Suffers from delusional attachment and fear of abandonment. Unable to separate fantasy from reality.   
   
• Therapist’s Assessment: Bowser externalizes loneliness through grand displays of control. Equates possession with affection. Rejection only intensifies obsession.

• Bowser consistently frames Peach as his “girlfriend” despite zero evidence of reciprocal interest.
   
• Therapy attempts to clarify boundaries trigger defensive anger and fire-breathing episodes.
   
• Bowser struggles with self-esteem, masking it with castles, lava pits, and endless henchmen.
   
• Continues to rationalize failures as Mario’s interference rather than Peach’s autonomy.

Therapist:  Good afternoon, Bowser. I’m glad you came back. How are you feeling today?

Bowser:  Explosive. And bloated. I ate a whole Yoshi last night. No regrets.

Therapist:  Um...alright. Let’s start where we left off. You were telling me about Princess Peach.  Can you tell me why you believe Peach is your girlfriend?

Bowser: [snarling] She IS my girlfriend! Sure, she screams every time I kidnap...[clears throat]...ahem...casually invite her to a romantic dinner, but that’s her being playful! 

Therapist: Or… it could be that Peach doesn’t see you as a partner. Have you considered that?

Bowser: [slams fist, smoke pours from nostrils] NO! She’s just shy, that's all! Mario has her brainwashed, but I'll show her! One day she’ll see I’m the only one who can build EIGHT castles for her. With lava.  You think a plumber can afford that?  He's not even in the union!

Therapist: Bowser, building castles filled with fire and death traps is not typically considered an expression of love. It’s considered… arson, on a geological scale. 

Bowser:  Lava is romantic!  Lava is love!

Therapist:  Let’s pause. Do you believe Peach is actually in love with Mario?

Bowser:  (Defensively) I don't want to talk about it. Sure, he’s got good reflexes, I'll give him that. But I’ve got range. I own an airship. Do you want to see my airship?

Therapist:  No Bowser.  Now please focus.  Do you think your fixation with Peach might be more about control than connection?

Bowser:  Pfft. I don’t need control. I just need her to admit she’d be happier ruling the Koopa Kingdom. With me. Forever. In a shared throne. That I forged myself. In magma.

Therapist:  Bowser… that’s not a relationship. That’s a prison with better lighting.

Bowser:  (Sulks) I installed sconces.

Therapist:  Let’s try something. Imagine Peach never returns your calls. Never sends a cake again. Never gets kidnapped. How do you feel?

Bowser:(Rubs chin, thinking)…hmmm, I feel like there is something missing.  Like there is an empty space that needs to be filled. 

Therapist:  That's grief, Bowser. You’re mourning the idea of a connection that never existed.

Bowser: [crosses arms, pouts] …So what, you want me to just move on? Find someone else?

Therapist: Perhaps it’s time to accept that Peach is not your girlfriend. That doesn’t mean you’re unlovable—it means you need to explore healthier connections.

Bowser: [growls] Healthy connections don’t come with fireballs. Pass.

Bowser’s denial around Peach stems from deep insecurity and a need for validation. His delusion that Peach is “already his” protects him from confronting rejection—but also prevents growth. Until he relinquishes his obsession, Bowser will remain stuck in an endless loop of kidnapping, defeat, and rage-quitting therapy.

• For Bowser: Guided exposure therapy to rejection, role-play sessions about consent, and anger management. Encourage hobbies not involving lava pits.
   
• For Therapist: Keep a fire extinguisher nearby at all times.
   
• For Peach: Consider a restraining order, plus a good vacation.